Temporary Boundaries

Last night in an adventure in consciousness, a distinct awareness permeated the experience.

The shadow self or unconscious self has long been associated with the feminine, in her association with the serpent.

In it's essence the serpent has had a dual role of either providing wisdom to man, or being the source of our greatest fears. It was the serpent that was eating from the tree of knowledge. It was the serpent that told Eve of the fruit.

In last night's endeavors, it became more apparent that just as each day holds the seed of the day's night within, each new territory in consciousness explored, contains within it, the seed of the dark self, the dark star, fear, self-doubt, worry, anxiety, dread, destruction and chaos that may potentially manifest in the unknown.

I found myself observing a current state of mind and then finding tremendous love for it. I would follow that love, peace and acceptance deeper, to find that it was another sun of radiant consciousness and life.

After a brief period dwelling within this place, I would get the thought, "Is this it or is there something more beyond this sun."

The moment this thought would arise, I would be aware of a shrinking or distancing from the previous sun, as my mind ventured out into the void. At a certain period out in the void, I would get a wave of fear that questioned whether maybe I had ventured too far away from an already abundant place of light and love. I would wonder, "Maybe the last place was enough."

After a brief period of time, I'd realize I was indeed quite content where I had been and did not need to seek any further for another sun, or another modality of consciousness. To do so would create more time, another dark realm to try and explore.

My consciousness would return to it's previous sun, with an intense love and appreciation for realizing it was enough. That feeling of, "I have found enough or am enough," had such a distinctly peaceful feeling to it...that I'd realize the me that was originally observing had now began to glow so brightly, that I had become the *next* sun of consciousness that I was originally seeking. It was only after I stopped seeking or expecting one to be there, that one would illuminate.

In many iterations of this sequence, it became apparent to me that there are archetypes of consciousness involved with this expansion/contraction process. If you were to follow Ufological studies, you'd know a great deal about the serpent beings spoken of by people like David Icke and the Cassioapeans. If you were to follow the synchromystic studies of people like Goro Adachi, David Kotze, Micheal Tsarion and Soundlessdawn, you'd realize that there is again an intense connection between the human state of consciousness and the serpentine energy. Religions have long discussed the role of Satan as the serpentine tormentor of the soul where Gnostics have believed Lucifer to be the brightest star in the sky, enlightening man. Quetzalcoatl was belived by the Aztecs to be the flying serpent god associated with Venus that restored mankind. The far east believed in serpent gods or dragons that roamed the heavens. And even within our bodies, is believed to be a powerful serpentine energy coiled at the base of the spine known as Kundalini.

With this said, during the contraciton/expansion process of consciousness I became supremely aware of the importance of such beings A) guarding higher knowledge and B) sharing higher knowledge. It became clear that in each moment by existing, I was the creator of both a light of consciousness and a realm of beings that would seek to consume that consciousness. They did and do so until such a point in which I am ready for the information.

This moment typically came with accepting myself as I am and finding love for that state of being. It carried profound relief and joy to realize that it is vital for the growth and progress of my consciousness that this serpentine energy exists in this manner. I did not need to fight for their knowledge or try and take it from them. Rather I needed to find my own path through love and acceptance of the now, within.

Prior to realizing this, as stated before, I would find myself out in the middle of a dark void, quite terrified of death, terrified of failure, terrified of demons or negative entities, or terrified with fear. I'd realize that who I was before was quite sufficient and radiant with life. There was no need to push out into that void to find the answers. I am enough. In realizing that this resistance helps one see that they are enough, I suddenly had a tremendous sense of love for the void, the resistance and the guardians.

Once I no longer sought to eliminate that resistance, and instead found love for it's role and purpose. All resistance illuminated. All of that fear fled. At this point I realized that the heavy cloak of darkness was the serpentine energy above, around and within me. However, at another level, this terrifying tormentor is quite brilliant. They are brilliant from feeding off all of the vital knowledge and energy of being above and were not going to let me endeavor any further unless I would ultimately accept their existance and not seek to eliminate them. It is for them to eat first. Each moment is a moment of saying, "Yes" to their presence. By making no enemies, one has no enemies.

My love for their role and what is was their only guarantee that I posessed acceptance of their existance while at the same time, fully well knowing that they were tormenting pieces of myself that were at lower levels.

All this is to say, the clearest path between suns, and between darkspaces that are held within each moment, is love for what is and who you are at this very moment. In this journey, you find more love than you ever thought you could possibly feel and in the process find more dark, fearsome places within than you knew existed.

But in saying this, my parting thought is: it is quite worth it.

The Land Before Time

In a recent adventure in consciousness, a few themes popped up.  

The most prominent of them is the notion of identity.  I think for a majority of people, we perceive ourselves as the individual person that is experiencing something and thus finite and discrete.  The concepts of being connected to a larger being make sense in religious terms, but there isn't a tangible, moment to moment identity that establishes what this link to the divine is or might be.

In this exploration, those thoughts began to come in focus a little more than in the past.  I found myself expanding out into trying to leap from one thought to the next, and I began to ask why? Why do we search for something beyond our current understanding of reality?  Why is our current understanding not enough?  Why do we need more comprehension, deeper awareness, more connection for it to be enough?  

It became clearer over time that this pursuit of more thought, more insight, is equal in motivation and dillusion to the pursuit of more wealth, more love, more physical perfection.  It started to occur to me that it made no sense to search for more thought, just like it made no sense to search for more wealth or love because my searching in those areas always led me to the awareness that there is always more things to acquire, more love to be had or given, more perfection to achieve to.  The pursuit of more is always a pursuit of making time to find what is just beyond us with the hopes that it, whatever it will be, will make us content.

But as can be seen in life, achieving more only leads to the awareness that we need more.  The more money you make, the more you buy, the more money you need.  The more love you get the more love you must give, and thus the more love you must consume.  The more beautiful you are, the more beauty you seek around you.

So as with thought, it holds true.  

I found myself running through the normal sequence of thoughts, with a fear that if I were to stop thinking, then what?  Would I die?  Was my endless stream of thoughts keeping me alive? Without a ticker tape of observations, memories, projections into the future, and anxieties...what would happen?  Do I go brain dead?  Is that the death of the ego?

So in a moment, I would test making a choice to just accept where I am at, accept that this is where my thoughts might end.  I tried to accept that there are others that may move forward, infinitely into time, thinking all thoughts.  And even though their thoughts and lives would not be experienced by my own personal incarnation, could I be okay with that?  It is a curious experiment because it starts to become clearer that there is the you you've always known, that is becoming conscious of thoughts, and then there is the you in between thoughts. 

Silly questions like, "Do I have to think a thought for it to exist? Can it exist in a potential reality and maybe I stumble upon it in meditation and bring it to consciousness?"  pop up and being to fill your mind, when you stop rushing forward towards the next thought, the next moment.  It's sort of like at a deep level, we have this fear of "this" being it.  And because we're not ready for "this" to be it, we then create another moment to see if that moment is the "it" that we can be happy with. 

These ideas quickly unravel the normal perceptions of time and experience.  It becomes clearer that maybe there are things happening right now, and it's only after a certain "length of time" that we become conscious of it.  It's almost like there is a land or realm before time as we know it, in which all manner of things are determined and played out.  The effects of that realm are what we become conscious of and thus experience as life.  When really life, and all of the past as we know it, is the decayed remnants of a previous moment of time that occurred in the unconscious mind.  

This thought creates an interesting prospect: you are not in control.  Your life is the echo of a previous experience and the inability for you to predict the future is because you are not able to experience the information contained within unconsciousness.  In this instance, you are not the creator of your life, nor will any moment in the future be able to change you.  Instead it is actually at much more immediate point, right now, that everything is changing in subtle ways and your mind is running laps trying to evaluate one moment to the next to create a story about what is happening or might happen in the future.

That's a lot of energy to spend when it all happens in the unconscious, no?  

It also begs the discussion over our obsession with death and fears about dying.  Because if one recognizes that "life" is really just experiencing death, or the observation of now fading away, then it makes the notion of death quite silly.  In this scenario, life is the constant experience of death.  We are so terrified at every moment that we might be dead that we keep checking only to realize that our desire to check and see if we're dead, creates life or the experience of seeing death.  

Talk about the truth being right infront of your face.  Each moment is the death of moment that occurred and is now fading into the past.  Maybe some day we'll tire of observing our death and being afraid of our dying, and realize we are at a deep level, the source of life, or connected to it.  And thus if we are connected to it, then whatever that source is...it is the source that enables us to feel love or fear.  It sheds it's skin which we experience as life...when really it is the decaying fragment of life.

And thus, the now, in all of its forms, are the perfect reflection of the source of life.  Now is the heaven that we seek.  It is the place before consciousness, the place before time that radiates out.  

Here's a quick reality check: Are you afraid of never getting mad at someone again?  Maybe not?  How peaceful it would be to never be mad again,right?  But then ask this....Are you afraid of never getting to love another person again or be loved by another person?  Maybe so?  It occurred to me that people perceive love  as the thing that calls us back to life, that love stays with you after you die, etc.  

And after the whole gamut of thought above it occurred to me, that maybe it is not love that calls us back into life, but a fear of not getting to experience *more* love.  Furthermore, maybe the fear of change that we all experience is the one in which we are afraid of not getting to be " ourself" any more.  How silly right?  When will you not be yourself?  Especially if the self you perceive is really just the emanation from a previous source.